Daddy's leaving again

The blog is on temporary hiatus. I apologize, but my mind is completely elsewhere. I'll be back in a week or two.

Happy birthing pod day!

Daddy's Back

Are the Berenstein Bears Jewish? That's just something I've been wondering about.

If you've read those books and you know what I'm talking about though, don't a lot of those books seem highly improbable? Like in one the Berenstein Bears go for a drive. I mean, bears driving a car? What the heck, that just doesn't seem realistic. And in another one, they're wearing clothes. Those authors have a poor grasp of bears.

There was one that really got me where Papa Bearenstein mediated a conflict between the children by introducing ice cream to the situation. While this is all well and good, the conflict would have been more constructively mediated if Papa Bearenstein had used reflexive I-statements paired with gentle, but firm consequential punishments. I mean come on, we can only suspend our disbelief so much.

Clearly bears don't know nothing about nothing.

....................................................................................................

Please bare with me. My sense of blog comedy has been a bit off lately. Updates coming soon, I swear. Please don't break my legs.

I promise you May will be better

I apologize for the lack of April updates, my mind has been elsewhere lately.

I'm tired of writing titles for you. Do you think titles grow on trees?

The Chinese restaurant down the street from us started giving out these Emotional Damage fortune cookies with every meal you get. I'm not sure I like them very much.

The other day I had one that said "You walk funny" and I looked on the back for the lucky numbers and it said "fuck you, that's what" in code.

I'm just not sure that's encouraging healthy behavior patterns.

Fitness Made Slightly Easier

I realized yesterday that if you have enough buff, tan, oily people in swim trunks, you can sell anything as exercise equipment, especially if you put "ab" in front of it. I'm pretty sure I saw an ad yesterday for an exercise thingy called the "ab hammock" and they had a bunch of buff oily people laying in an ordinary hammock, contorting and supposedly burning fat.

I'm going to sell my own exercise equipment called "ab donuts". It's a box of glazed donuts, also available in chocolate frosted, that will help you lose pounds from your waist in minutes a day. What you do is you eat the donuts, and because buff oily people are doing it in my commercial, you will pay money for these donuts.

Results may vary.